Too Much Three's Company as a child...

So I'm having that dream again:

I'm Jack on Three's Company and I hear noises in Janet and Chrissy's room. I creep out of bed in the dark and wander towards their room. I have a Polaroid in my hands and am expecting to get some decent instant photos.

I wait for the right moment, kick the door open, but instead of Janet and Chrissy in a naked, wet embrace I see Mr. Roper.

He's wearing black leather chaps and nothing else (Aiii, my eyes!).

"I've been waiting for you Jack. Maybe you can tell me what to do with this?"

He's holding his plunger (no, not that one, the one from the show...)

-- I awake screaming and clutching the blankets. It was only a dream. It was only a dream. It was only a dream.

Well, my friend Jen was saying that I was getting too political.

Different isn't always better

The Canadian is a baffled man because he feels different from his British kindred and his American neighbours, sharply refuses to be lumped with either of them, yet cannot make plain the difference.
-- J.B. Priestly

This is my own personal belief as to why many seek to "be different" than Americans, or at least to be perceived as different. It leads us to strange places like:

- not ejecting Iraqi diplomats to keep "communication lines open", yet having an idiot backbencher advocate ejecting the American ambassador for telling us the truth about how our actions have hurt us in the States. Scarborough-Agincourt MP Jim Karygiannis is the latest moron to open his mouth: but he's not alone...

- Carolyn Parrish, the central Mississauga MP who touched off a firestorm by saying "Damn Americans, I hate those bastards", can't stop her WHINING. Yes, Carolyn it's all a "MEDIA CONSPIRACY" to discredit you and your destroy your incredible career as Minister of Foot-in-Mouth...I'm soooooooo happy I don't live in your riding...

The desire to distinguish ourselves as "not American" or "not British" used to force us from one to the other, siding as often as not with one against the other throughout Canada's history. Now the Liberal government has turned its back on both America and Britain simultaneously: an astounding trick!

If there was any benefit to doing this now I'd like someone to explain it. Please? How does this help us, especially since the U.S. takes in 84% of ALL Canadian exports..

Quotes

Time for a few quotes that have bearing on Canada's situation vis-a-vis (OOOO how pretentious a word!) the U.S. of A...

"Canadians have been so busy explaining to the Americans that we aren't British, and to the British that we aren't Americans that we haven't had time to become Canadians."
-- Helen Gordon McPherson

The beaver, which has come to represent Canada as the eagle does the United States and the lion Britain, is a flat-tailed, slow-witted, toothy rodent known to bite off it's own testicles or to stand under its own falling trees.
-- June Callwood

Americans are benevolently ignorant about Canada, while Canadians are malevolently well-informed about the United States.
-- J. Bartlett Brebner (1895 - 1957) professor of history, Columbia University

In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.
-- Napoleon Bonaparte

Last one I promise...

Both sides of his mouth...

There are tons of cartoons at this site www.coxandforkum.com. I just couldn't resist posting this one.

ANGRY...

I got into a political discussion at lunch about the war...

It turned ugly, because rather than discuss things, my opponent co-worker kept on dragging vague references to political conflicts back to the Vietnam War, stated it's all about the oil and that because the CIA put Saddam in charge this is all the Americans fault(!?)

The conversation ended up something like this.

Me: "OK, same situation going on, some dictator violating restrictions, developing chemical/biological etc. refusing to comply yada yada yada. What do you do?"
Him: "Work through the U.N., sanctions, inspections. Multilateral stuff."
Me: "12 years and that hasn't worked."
Him: "Who says?"
Me: "There's still restricted weapons in Iraq. SCUDs and that stupid drone that they said was a 'crop duster.' The factory that they're looking at...if it's what they think it is, I mean, come on!"
Him: "If they were illegal, wouldn't Hans Blix have said so? That proves nothing. They didn't attack anyone. The U.S. illegally invaded."
Me: "Because he's got restricted weapons!"
Him: "Like what?"
Me: "Like the SCUD they shot into Kuwait."
Him: "Why'd they fire the missile?" Leaning in.
Me: "Well, in response to the U.S. attack, of course"
Him: "EXACTLY!" He's smiling like he's won.
Me: "But he's not supposed to have SCUDs in the first place!"
Him: "Who says?"
Me: "It's part of the agreement that ended the first Gulf War"
Him: "I don't think Iraq agreed to anything. The U.S. forced them."
Me: "By winning the first God-damned war!"
Him: "You should calm down. You're not making a point, just rambling on and on."

DEEP BREATH...

Me: "So the only decent proof is if they shoot first?"
Him: "The Americans put him in there."
Me: "Wrong, they made the mistake of supporting him against Iran when it looked like they'd over-run the region when Saddam started losing a war he started."
Him: "So, the Americans are at fault!" TRIUMPHANTLY he says this...
Me: "Things were politically different then. Stupid deals had to be made because of the Soviet's.
Him: "I was wondering when you'd trot them out as bogeyman..."
Me: "Again, you'll only accept Saddam attacking someone else first as proof"
Him: "He didn't attack anyone. The U.S. went in without United Nations approval...
Me: "They'd never get France's approval. I'd hardly call that UN approval OR condemnation."
Him: "You're all over the place. Try making a point."

GETTING FRUSTRATED...

Me: "I'm trying; you're not listening. You say the only way the U.S. is justified in invading and destroying any weapons of mass destruction is if Iraq uses weapons of mass destruction first, which means that Iraq gets the opportunity to develop, field and then use something that can kill tens of thousands and then, and only then, can we do something about it?"
Him: "You're naive. It's all about the oil and the money. If they really cared about oppressed people then what about Saudi Arabia, Iran, North Korea and all the other tin-pot dictatorships the U.S. has supported."
Me: "They should be next."
Him: "I can't believe how bloodthirsty you are."
Me: "There are two opinions on this as I see it. If you have the power to act to save lives and spread prosperity for the long run by interceding on others behalf, then you do it, because if you don't, you bear some responsibility when things go bad due to you doing nothing. A superpower should act like one and be judged by its actions and results. Others believe that the U.S. should just mind its own business when they don't realize that what goes on anywhere in the world IS the American's business."
Him: "So the U.S. doesn't have to abide by the same rules that every other nation does?"
Me: "I didn't say that. But the rules need to take into account the fact that the U.S. is the world's only superpower."
Him: "But nobody wants them in Iraq.
Me: "I think opinion is split on that."
Him: "No, an incredible majority want the U.S. out."
Me: "Where'd you pull that number from? That's right, thin air. Polls say Americans support the war by 70%."
Him: "Who cares what AMERICANS think? Besides, polls are as reliable as a Hyundai Pony."
Me: "Then how'd you come up with that "incredible majority" comment?
Him: "Just open your eyes. I am proud of our Prime Minister and what he's done."
Me: "Turned our backs on our closest friends...Screwed us into second-class status on the North American continent...Made us look untrustworthy in the eyes of our closest ally?
Him: "Shown Canadians that we are our own country, that we aren't lapdogs that jump and beg at our Master's call...'Sit Canada, lie down, roll over: Good Canadian pet...'"

SILENT STARING...

Him: Looking at his watch- "Well we're not going to solve this today."
Me: "Like anyone gives a shit about what we say anyway..."
Him: "War is never the answer."
Me: "There's no point in discussing this any further because your mind and mine were made up before we started talking..."
Him: "But I made my point, war is never the answer."
Me: "Sometimes it is. It certainly was in 1945."
Him: "To think that nobody remembers the lessons learned in Vietnam."
Me: "What, not to run a war from remote control by politicians in Washington? I think they learned that, judging by the results so far. The 60's are over, MAN."

Being Neighbourly

To our American friends:

I've changed the Canadian flag I've been flying to a combo Canadian/US to show my support for our neighbours to the south.

Apologizing for our government would serve no purpose. All I have to say to our American friends is that you only deal with them from time to time. We've had to LIVE with them for 10 stinking years with no end in sight (our TWO right of centre parties spend more time squabbling with each other than developing a cohesive attack, so the Liberals will be in power for the foreseeable future.)

Know that there are many Canadians who do support you.

Roman the Rapist

I'm not alone in my disdain for Roman Polanski.

Michael at Bad Samaritan has beat me to the punch.

Hopefully at some point justice will be done, and it will be pointed out to the losers that gave Polanski a standing O.

Grouchy Oscar...

From Drudge Report:

ABC'S AIRING OF OSCARS PLUNGES TO 25.4 RATING/37 SHARE, ACCORDING TO OVERNIGHTS, DOWN FROM LAST YEAR'S RECORD-LOW SCORE OF 29.1/47. UNBELIEVABLY, LAST MONTH'S 'JOE MILLIONAIRE' REACHED HIGHER SHARES IN SOME MARKETS, DEMOS THAN OSCARS. FINAL RATINGS AVAILABLE LATER. CONTROVERSIAL AIRING OF SHOW AT HEIGHT OF WAR EXPERIENCED NIELSEN STRESS ON NEARLY EVERY LEVEL. 'IT WAS A DIFFICULT SITUATION... WE ARE GLAD IT IS BEHIND US,' SAID TOP NETWORK SOURCE... MORE...

I'm finding it hard to care. The Oscars are always about celebrities celebrating their own bloated self-importance. Haven't we been subjected to them enough these last few months in the run up to the war?

I mean the only remotely interesting thing about last night's Oscars was Michael Moore:

not because I agree with him, but because he delivered on what I expected him to do- use the ultimate PR opportunity to push and shove and slander and rant, which was a 30 second version of all of his movies and TV shows. Entertaining stuff as opposed to the rest of the drivel last night.

I like it when people are true to themselves, even opportunists such as Moore, who will probably NEVER win an Oscar ever again. It's in his nature: I would've been disappointed if he hadn't used the audience to denounce President Bush. I'm surprised they didn't cut his microphone and go to commercial.

What I found troubling was the "love-in" that the actors and film-makers were having with child-raping scum Roman Polanski.

It seems that many believe that art trumps criminal behaviour, because many in attendance believed that it was a real shame that Polanski couldn't attend to collect his reward. Again it seems that because someone creates great cinematic art (subjective: I haven't seen The Pianist so I don't know if it's "art") we should ignore the fact that he's a child-raping piece of crap that should still do jail time.

When I first heard he was guilty of statutory rape I thought there might have been more to the story, like he got caught by the age limit like Renton in Trainspotting but no; he was (and probably still is) a predator that hunted a poor naive girl. For a full reminder of what this bastard did click here.

The real shame is those trained seals that call themselves "artists" couldn't take a stand and boo this loser. I guess being "anti-child-raping scum" isn't as popular in Hollywood as being "anti-war."

The Results of Neutrality, Mr Chretien

Friendly fire ruling upsets families

American pilots might not be tried

DALE ANNE FREED

STAFF REPORTER, TORONTO STAR

Relatives of Canadian soldiers killed by a U.S. bomb in Afghanistan were bitterly disappointed at the recommendation yesterday that two American pilots not be court-martialled in the incident.

Let's face it, the only reason that this "special military hearing" took place seeking charges originally was to keep the Canadian allies happy. How many "friendly fire" incidents have happened over the years? How many involved court-martial charges? Exactly. The Americans have killed dozens more of their own in incidents over the years and has any serviceman been subjected to this kind of process?

Since our loveable Prime Minister idiot, the scrappy little boy from Shawinigan has seen fit to declare all of Canada anti-Bush anti-war (funny, he didn't ASK anyone did he?) I've had the sinking feeling that Canada has bitten the hand that feeds. Funny little things in the news, like 2-hour border waits, Americans not selling to Canadians on eBay have me thinking that there is a reckoning to come that many of us are not going to like.

Maybe I'm reading more into this than there is- But it's not like there's any sort of pressure to keep seeking a court-martial to keep us happy.

Thank you, Mr. Prime Minister. You have your legacy now. Publicly crap all over a nation that takes 84.6% of our exports (2000 figures)

Eventually the elephant sees the mouse and decides to stomp it.

Shock and Awe

The ability of the US to project power ANYWHERE on the globe is indeed awe-inspiring.

You have to wonder how selfish Saddam Hussein will be and if he will try to take the whole country down with him, if he's still alive...

If that first salvo did in fact kill him, the handlers who are keeping the illusion that he is still alive bear a large responsibility for the damage being done.

Then again who knows what's true anymore.
The fog of war now manifests itself in bits and bytes:

EDITOR'S NOTE: CNN's policy is to not report information that puts operational security at risk.

This is as it should be: passive omission is tolerable in this respect, and we should accept this as long as the media does not become actively involved in deceiving the public.

If the Apple falls badly, look to the Tree

Mitchell's Father says Court Should be Lenient Because Elizabeth Survived

Mar 17, 2003 4:42 pm US/Mountain

Utah prosecutors delayed kidnapping charges Monday against self-proclaimed prophet Brian Mitchell and his wife in the abduction of Elizabeth Smart. Mitchell's father said any punishment should be tempered by the girl's survival.

``There's a lot of people that kidnap little kids and murder them,'' said Shirl Mitchell, 83. ``He took care of the girl and she came back in good health.''

In other words, because she's not dead we should all just shut up, get down on our hands and knees and thank him for not killing her after he kidnapped and raped her. That's his definition of "took care of."

Someone should start investigating the father as well...Numbnuts had to learn his courting techniques from someone, didn't he?

``His childhood could be summarized by the idea of isolation, loneliness and lack of attention. He's kind of a nonentity, it seems like. There's really a blank in my mind when I think back to his youth,'' Shirl Mitchell said. ``It seems like I can tell all the negative things about Brian but very few positives. Maybe I'm a lousy father.''

- Bingo, Fruitcake!

I commented earlier about this story here. I retract those comments/implications. No matter how creepy I find her father or religions in general, I have nothing but sympathy for this girl. Many deal with challenges in their own way. People who seem OK outwardly can hide deep cracks and fissures which will splinter and crack along the way to recovery.

The fact that we, and by we I mean all of the supposed armchair experts who expected some "hook" to this story, are so ready to jump on every small nuance and can't deal with a happy ending shows what we have become. Personally I'll take the easy route and just blame TV [kidding, but the truth will be a whole new article and others have done it better elsewhere.]

She will need counselling to deal with everything that has happened to her and hopefully she gets it. For many, religion can provide the strength and support to deal with almost any trauma. And if it can't, hopefully her parents are wise enough to do what is necessary to help her...

I wish her well.

Addicted to Blog

I find that since I discovered the Blogosphere I have become addicted. Since I got going with writing Raging Kraut I find that I can't go one day without thinking about my blog. Because of a two-day seminar, I was cut off from the net and it felt like my arm had been hacked off at the elbow...I NEED to be connected. I need to know what is happening out there...

I find my opinions being swayed one way, then another because of other blogs out there. The people who maintain these journals write with such passion and talent that their pages are alive. No, sorry, I should restate that: Their pages are

ALIVE!

I hope to write better. I hope to sound better. I hope to have half the talent I see exhibited on their pages...

In uncertain times, I wish to be

ALIVE

And I thought that I was more of a fascist

Democrat - You believe that there should be a free
market which is reigned in by a modest state
beaurocracy. You think that capitalism has
some good things, but that those it helps
should be obliged to help out their fellow man
a little. Your historical role model is
Franklin Rosevelt.


Which political sterotype are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Itchin' in my Head...

Is it me or is this thing all kinda creepy?

XXXXX DRUDGE REPORT XXXXX THU MARCH 13, 2003 20:02:38 ET XXXXX

'YOU THINK I AM THE GIRL WHO RAN AWAY,' SMART TOLD COP

"You guys think I'm that Elizabeth Smart girl who ran away," Elizabeth Smart challenged police officer Bill O'Neal the moment she was found by authorities.

Smart's startling words have ignited a firestorm around Salt Lake City: Was the teen unknowingly conveying the unthinkable -- she deliberately ran away from home?!

While local and federal authorities work on the likely premise the girl was taken by force and later brainwashed, questions of a possible runaway scenario began to creep into the picture, sources said late Thursday.

One top federal source said the case remains "utterly baffling."

The other weird part is that supposedly she'd been "brainwashed" according to her family and yet this "brainwashing" was supposedly instantly broken and this girl was back with her family, playing the harp and watching "The Trouble with Angels" one SINGLE DAY after being found.

Why am I getting the creepy-crawlies about this whole incident?

The sheep keep bleating...

Gas Station 6:25 pm 3-12-03

Last night I decided to take advantage of the temporary lull in gas prices (so cheap! It was actually UNDER 80 CENTS!) to fill up at the local gas station.

When I went in to pay, I made the off-hand remark that gas prices are probably moving based on the belief of speculators on if/when an attack will be made, and that the speculators are starting to think an attack will never come.

"I think the Prime Minister is right and that we've won already." says the lady behind the counter, a forty-something mom-type.

"How's that?" I ask, immediately bracing for combat. It's amazing how quick I am baited by this sort of nonsense now. The constant media tension must be getting to me...

"Well, he can't do anything, can he? We've trapped him there and he can't do anything."

I don't want to fight with this woman. I pay and mutter under my breath "...as long as someone's guarding him. Chretien is SUCH an idiot."

"What did you say?"

"Saddam'll be a good little dictator and only kill his own people as long as 250,000 soldiers are right next door in Kuwait. Who'll pay to keep them there? Not us, not FRANCE." That last word I almost spat out.

I'm fully into the breach now.

"Pretend you're a farmer with chickens. You know there's a fox on the loose just outside your chicken coup. As long as you guard the coup with your shotgun the fox won't get in: but you can't stay there 24 hours a day, can you? At that point, wouldn't you just shoot the fox and eliminate the problem?"

The woman looks at me as if I was the Devil himself.

"But war and killing aren't the answer..." she's sounding unsure.

"Tell that to anyone who fought in World War 2. Supposedly we won in '91 as well, yet we're still here aren't we?"

I leave the gas station and head home for the night.

Family Revelations

When I was eight we went to visit Oma and Opa (that's Grandma and Grandpa to you non-krauts) who lived in Kenosha, Wisconsin.

Among the things I discovered on that trip:

- A German Shepherd that is kept in a kennel all the time will bite and try to run away rather than play with you.

- 80 lbs of German Shepherd defeats 80 lbs of 8-year old boy everytime, even without the illegal use of teeth.

- Bleeding and crying after getting stomped by said German Shepherd is not enough to guarantee that you won't get yelled at for letting the dog escape into the blissful freedom of a world without cages and choking dog chains.

- Opa didn't have the same last name as me or dad because he wasn't my real Opa.

- My real Opa died in the war: "You mean he was a Nazi?" This caused one big fight between my parents and my Oma, who had just open-palm slapped a 8-year old across the face, (Technically he was a Nazi, as everyone professed to be at the time "or else they would be hung on meathooks." This was the beginning of the "we weren't at fault, we were just following orders" excuse that many in my family still cling to.)

- My Opa told me I was stupid for watching Hogan's Heroes because of the way it insulted German people - like Hogan's Heroes was the reason German people were treated like shit after the war (I encountered much of the anti-German crap for much of my childhood: usually it was punctuated with a bully's fist. It wasn't right, but I do understand it considering the price paid in WW2...) On second viewing, Hogan's Heroes portrayal of Nazis is rather insulting to those that sacrificed to get rid of Hitler, making them out to be bumbling clods rather than the inhuman monsters that efficiently committed genocide. For a refresher in National Socialism I recommend this.

- My Oma and Opa weren't really as nice as they pretended to be.

Canada - Home of the Monopolistic Second Rate

Why the hell can't we have TIVO in Canada?

Oh, that's right: our paternalistic government would rather decide what we watch through regulated monopolies and Canadian thought control agencies like the CRTC.

If they'd only give us the technology and channels we actually WANT maybe there wouldn't be so much grey market stuff in the marketplace.

I want psychic powers...

Last night I was taking out the trash when this Chevy Astro passed slowly by my house. As I watched this young guy leaned out the passenger window, stared right at me and then whipped a chunk of ice at me.

Lousy aim the little prick had; it missed me by a mile and shattered against the side of my house. My mind went back trying to figure out if I'd pissed someone off enough in the neighbourhood to warrant such an attack...

I got a partial plate and description, then went inside to report it to the cops. I told my wife about it and we came up with many intricate ways that these losers should be punished - hopefully involving some nice Police Officers who would be forced to gun the losers down as a service to society :)

A neighbour was walking her two beautiful golden labs (Rufus and Moonray) outside and I figured I'd warn her about the little bastards roaming the neighbourhood.

"They already got me in the leg," she yelled across the street.

"Damn punks." I muttered, hearing my father in my tone. In many ways I have become him when it comes to my opinions about little shits roaming the neighbourhood causing damage.

Then today on the radio I hear about this and wonder if I have somehow used psychic powers to nail these little bastards from a distance.

Should I feel bad about this? Turns out that this incident happened before I saw those punks so it couldn't possibly be them, but I don't think I'd be sad if it had turned out to be those little shits and that the collective psychic powers of their targets had done them in.

"But they're just boys!"
"Maybe mommy should have hugged them more!"

I don't care.

Too bad it wasn't that loser with the ice ball who fell out of the van on the 401.

Too bad...

A Better Road - Part 2

It's funny how the words "Concentration Camp" have come to be only associated with one specific meaning. Auschewitz, Dachau etc. were more correctly "Death Camps": the purpose of which was the liquidation of the undesireables of the Nazi regime - Jews, Gypsies, gays, communists, etc.

There are Concentration Camps in the world today: but they are given names such as Refugee Camps etc. My mother died in 1992 after a long bout with Cancer. I was much younger when she told me this story and she was much younger when she lived it. I can't say how perilous her experience was - I don't think she could either. That is the beauty of youth: kids can bounce back so much quicker from things that would scar an adult terribly...

My mother told me a story once when I'd lost my student ID (at 12 years of age the only thing a student ID was good for was discounted fries at the local McDonald's so naturally I was frantic.)

In 1944, fleeing their homes in Romania from the advancing Russians, my mother Maria, her sister Dora and my Grandfather (whom I'd never met and whose name I don't even know - that's how much my mother hated him! But that's another story...) were heading west. They were stopped by German infantry ("not really German" said my mother. "many were eastern European conscripts. They looked like they didn't like us very much.") At this point, it's discovered that my Grandfather does not have papers for himself or his daughters. Whether he forgot them or had them taken from him earlier my mother didn't know. At this point she has realized that this was the first time she had ever seen her father afraid.

They are sent to a local town hall which is being administered by an SS officer. Several blocks down the street is the train station, where several hundred people are being "escorted" onto trains for the local concentration camps, then eventually heading "east" for "resettlement."

The SS officer hardly looked at the people in front of him. My grandfather protests that he is an Austrian, a citizen of the Reich (true), and that a simple phone call to the next village will clear up who he is and who his daughters are. The SS officer is about to stamp the orders that would take my family to that train - he hesitates for a moment and then looks closer at my Grandfather and his daughters...

[editors note: Now at this point, the Nazi apologist would write a little thing about how this heroic German officer would secretly be doing anything, looking for any way to save the people who come before him, that he was only following orders, was afraid of being shot by his peers if found out etc. etc. BULLSHIT!]

He looks at my Grandfather and laughs:

"Well, my friend, let us make that call. This train is almost full and tomorrow there will be another. If we don't know who you are by then..." he let the implication die off there.

I've seen pictures from the time. Many families probably have these pictures as well, but they don't show them publicly because of the reaction they will produce. My grandfather was wearing a rather stupid-looking Hitler mustache, which was probably the only thing that prevented him from being automatically loaded up on that train and sent to whatever fate awaited.

And they say fashion isn't important.

I admit it...

Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You?

Yes I used to watch Saved by the Bell.

Inane show, but the hot girls kept dateless wonders such as myself tuning in and turning down the volume...

These People are Everywhere!

So I'm on the platform at 8:30am yesterday to take the Go Train in to work yesterday. I figured it would be smarter than trying to drive with all the other losers who still have summer tires on their cars considering the 10 inches of snow that has fallen overnight.

I'm on the cellphone with my boss, informing her that I'll be about an hour late and mention that the Go Transit line out of Milton is an hour late and 3 trains behind (had nothing to do with the Lakeshore line, but I didn't know that at the time.)

This guy in a business suit is trying to not listen in but I catch him looking at me. He's tall, thin and slightly strange looking - kinda like Kramer from Seinfeld minus the interesting hair. In my brain I've already labelled him KRAMER-LITE

Kramer-lite moves towards me...

"Excuse me," he says. "Did you say that the train is an hour late?"

"No." I say. "The Milton line is an hour behind."

"Oh." He looked relieved. "I usually take the 8:05, but the snow put me behind." He goes on to talk at length about the train, the conductor's wisecracks and how everyone who takes the 8:05 has a real sense of community...

I'm getting tired of this conversation. I decide to say one or two sentences, then move down the platform to where I normally board the first passenger car.

"I was here on time, but there wasn't any parking." says I. "So I took my car home, then walked the twenty minutes to get here."

"Well, there's other lots around here to park."

"I didn't feel like leaving my car to be buried by a snowplow." There. Nice final sentence. If I can just move before he starts talking again...

The guy then feels the need to explain all the different parking lots close by. Dammit. He's hijacked the conversation...I'm looking at my watch, annoyed at someone giving me advice that I didn't ask for at a point when the advice does me no good...

I interrupt. "Well I didn't feel like driving considering that no one in this town knows how to drive in the snow." I start to walk away...

"You know what the problem is?" he says conspiratorially leaning in, looking both ways, like he's about to tell me the meaning of life.

I can guess what's coming.

"It's all the darkies and ragheads that have never seen snow that cause all the accidents. These people are everywhere!"

Why do all the racist fucks always want to talk to me when I'm standing around waiting somewhere? I think to myself as I turn wordlessly away from him. I have no idea what the look on my face is, but it can't be nice as Kramer-lite looks disappointed.

Guess he was expecting me to pile in when some witty racist shit-speak of my own. Either that or he was trying to pick me up...

When I was younger I used to argue with these assholes, some of whom were related to me by blood. (I'd be embarassed if everyone didn't have an Archie Bunker somewhere on the family tree.)

Then when I got older I'd ignore them, as they were old (at least in my family they were...) and they would die soon, and anyways they would put up such a wall of ignorance that no amount of arguing or reason could sway them. They'd always end the conversation with how because I was so much younger than they were, I didn't know what I was talking about. Then I'd get it from my parents for "not respecting my elders."

I figured that if we waited long enough, eventually everyone would come around without the pervasive influence of the racists that have come before us.

Now I'm getting the urge to fight them again because THEY ARE NOT DYING FAST ENOUGH! And, even scarier, they're finding replacements. The only thing stopping me is that old parable about getting covered in mud when you fight with pigs. But my patience is wearing.

Yes, these racist goat-fuckers are everywhere...

Stylesheets Rock!

If I'd known how easy it is to change a web page's appearance with CSS I would've been using it much sooner.

This links to a nice simple tutorial which makes it so easy to change the appearance of a web page that uses stylesheets.

A Better Road - Part 1

A friend phoned last night and said that for a class she had to write 500 words about an immigrant's experiences in Canada. I will write far more than 500 words...

The only other thing that I will say before the story begins is that throughout the twentieth century the Americans have been liberators. Despite current mistaken opinions to the contrary, the Americans have not been interested in Empire-building. Germany and Japan were conquered, yet rebuilt for the Germans and for the Japanese: if the result of World War 2 had been reversed, would Britain be rebuilt for the British? In this day and age it would do us well to remember this fact...

Eastern Germany 1945

My father Kurt, not yet 16 years of age had spent a lot of the war being sick. Living rough, he developed pneumonia, but because the quality of medical care during the war had deteriorated substantially he was put in the typhoid wing of what was left of the local hospital. Guess what he developed next? When he recovered, it was his turn to help the old farmer who had tended to him in the ward while he was delerious.

Seperated from his mother, his father killed in France 3 years earlier, he had spent most of the war alone working on a farm. The old farmer who had taken him in spent his time brewing moonshine for bribes should any soldiers happen by: first the Wehrmacht (German Army regulars), then the Red Army troopers who had occupied the land on their march towards Hitler's bunker in Berlin.

The scenario was always the same.

Kurt is told to hide. Young able-bodied youths are being shipped East when found. Many will never return.

The farmer waits in his kitchen with a newly-filled bottles on the kitchen table. The soldiers arrive and make noises about searching the farm. Maybe one or two soldiers actually make a half-hearted effort of poking into the surrounding barn and immediate fields: the farmer tells my father that these are usually the soldiers that have pissed-off the leader of the troopers somehow - they are not allowed to drink this time and are sullen. They sometimes break things and are disciplined by the troop leader. He doesn't want to jeapordize his alcohol supply. He knows that he could take the bottles by force: but if he's nice to the farmer he knows that he will get the better blends and a larger quantity every week than if his men ransack the place. Golden goose eggs indeed...

Germans, Russians - the soldiers get drunk just the same no matter what language they speak...The farmer expects that soon he will have to deal with American soldiers, for of course the Americans will push the Russians back. They just have to. The Americans and Britons cannot let Communism spread over all of Eastern Europe. The allies will have a falling-out and the Russians will be pushed back to the Urals...It made perfect sense to everyone in Eastern Germany occupied by the Red Army. They just have to wait. Even when at war, the Germans knew that America shared their distaste of Communism. It was only a matter of time.

When Kurt returns from the fields in the breaking dawn the soldiers have left and the farmer's face is grim: "You'll have to leave." he says to my father.

"What have I done wrong?" Kurt asks, fear gripping him now. Though hard, this life was better than most, better than lots of homeless youngsters wandering the countryside with no food, family or possessions.

"The Americans are not coming." spits the farmer. "The war will end soon. The Russians will stay and they shall have my farm. They will take my land, but allow me to work on it for next to nothing - all for the glory of Mother Russia!" My father has told me that the farmer looked more grim and resigned to this than anything else: as if he knew that the Americans would turn on their allies was a story the villagers were telling themselves to give themselves hope.

"The soldiers said this?" my father asks.

"No they didn't have to...I had family in Russia. I know what Communists do. It's too late for me to start over. But you: you're young and you can make it to the West. The Russians and Americans will meet in Berlin and then they will carve us up as so much veal. The Soviets will get their share: they suffered in the war too much to not make us suffer afterward."

The farmer looks at my father. "Come let's bake some bread for your trip."