March 31, 2004
Brush with shmarminess
Rue told me a story about a certain government scumbag that tried to pick her up on a flight from Toronto to Montreal some years back.
I hope she writes about this while he's still imfamous (hint hint).
Lucky I wasn't on the flight or I'd have to punch his lights out, picking up on my wife like that...
Mini Me
I'm in the kitchen cleaning up after lunch (hey it's what I do!)
Punkin' (my youngest at ten months) is complaining about her short term confinement in her fortress of solitude (sturdy playpen) while big sister Boo (29 months of incredible energy and mischief) is taunting the dog with whatever remnants of her lunch she's stashed away in her highchair (I don't wanna dig in there. No God, NO!) I've moved Boo's highchair into the living room so she can watch some TV 'til I finish lunch cleanup...
This is domestic heaven, I think. Quiet, peaceful and perfect. Smiling to myself as I empty the dishwasher, I hear this exchange from the living room:
Punkin': WAHHHHHHHHH!
Boo: OH NO, NOT DIS FOOKING CUMMERSHAL!!!
If you hadn't guessed, yes that is my child doing a very passable impression of me.
Boo: Punkin' why cry you GAWDAMMIT!?
Punkin': BAH! Pfffttttt!
Imagine more drool than you can possibly imagine...
Punkin': GAH! GAH! GAH!
Boo: Dis Fooking cummershal is stupid stupid stupid! Right, Dada?
Me: [sheepishly]Right, Boo. Totally stupid.
Boo: [singing stupid McDonald's jingle] Bada bapapa - I'm hating you!
Now the only thing that would complete the picture is if she gave the McDonald's commercial actors the finger.
So. Very. Proud!
She's perfect. So very very perfect [sniff!]
March 28, 2004
Found
Damn. Just damn...
That ravine is on the path I used to take to work 4 years ago. I still drive by there every once in awhile. It's hard to believe there's such a secluded spot in the overdeveloped mess that is the GTA's west side...
a block away from where I used to work just last year...
It is a different thing entirely when it happens this close to home.
At first I thought that the worst thing for her parents would be just not to know - their child neither dead nor alive, birthdays coming one after the other with their daughter remaining a constant ageless nine years old in their minds - now I'm not so sure...
Hopefully the police have enough of the answers already, and are just not saying, while they lay in wait to trap the bastard that left her there, dead.
I hope he resists arrest. I hope the first few bullets are painful. I hope the last one that finishes him isn't immediately fatal, but leaves him lingering for a couple of days in agony...just before his journey to rot in hell (I may not believe in much, but I do believe in a hell for child-killers, oh yes I do!)
I can hope a lot of things...
March 27, 2004
A Kept Man
Rue's got a job. A damn good paying one too.
Looks like I'm going to have to figure out how to cook.
March 26, 2004
Virgins
OK, I have to ask this question.
What's the deal with all the virgins?
In all seriousness, my version of paradise would include women that have experience and technique. After the first virgin (or five) give me someone a little more ahem, professional.
Then again, if I lived with 8th century medical technology at my service, maybe the STDs professionals would earn in such an environment may put me off of them...
How gullible are these suicide idiots anyway?
March 24, 2004
Interview Debrief
Holy Shit! A new interview question was sprung on me!
This is actually a variation of one that I've read being used in interviews but this was the first time it was actually used on me!
Potential Boss Guy: Is there any reason we shouldn't hire you?
Ray: No. [pauses] It will be up to the company to determine from this interview whether I'm the right fit for the job - I believe that I am and that there's no reason why I shouldn't be hired.
Holy shit! I came up with that response on the spot and I figure it was pretty OK. Not the "untalkative" no that shows arrogance. Not the "shoot myself in the foot by making up some innocuous reason" tactic that has sunk many a job applicant.
We'll see where it goes from here...
Job(s)?
I've got an interview today at 1pm with the company the headhunter recommended me to. The position looks good, but I have no idea if I'm the top candidate or bottom-filler so the headhunter can say "I sent you five candidates."
Also in a weird coincidence my second-last employer has posted my old position (which was contract) as a full-time position. As I have to call my former boss for a reference (I certainly won't get one from my LAST employer) I'll get all the details.
It certainly seems like the job market has picked up around here.
Coke Adds Cancer
When everyone started this whole bottled water crap twenty years ago I was dubious. Paying for water? The stuff comes out of taps for free (OK we do pay municipal fees...)
But it's so much purer and cleaner and it comes from mountain streams and blah blah blah...
Bull.
That Coke would be so brazen and misleading is shocking in and of itself. That a company that's usually associated with the best of American marketing could be so incompetent in its execution of strategy is what really shocks me.
Now the question I'm asking: Is this an isolated incident or is this how the North American supply of Dasani is produced?
The Coke web-site talks about "added minerals."
Hmmm.
March 21, 2004
Foods of Passion
Late Friday evening, in front of the television
Rue: You never write about my "talents" on your blog.
Ray: Which "talents" are you referring to? [smirk]
Rue: You know damn well. My cooking!
Ray: Wouldn't want those sick and twisted net denizens to get any ideas about my relationship with your gastronomic excellence, would I?
Truth of the matter: my wife is an excellent cook. She was a good cook when I met her, but 24 hours a day of Food TV has made her incredible. Her Italian dishes sing, her salads are sublime, her meats...well I could go on and on...
Ray: Besides, I'm not a food critic...
Rue: Shhhhhhhhh!
Ray: I wouldn't know how to adequately describe...
Rue (more urgently): SHHHHHHHH!
Ray: What?
Rue (sharply): Nigella's on.
Ray: She's hot.
Rue: I know.
Ray: I love that outfit. It really shows off her...assets? talents?
Rue: You mean her incredible rack?
Ray: er, yeah.
Rue: I think so too.
Ray: The outfit?
Rue: No, she's got an incredible rack.
On screen, Nigella Lawson uses a curved half moon blade to chop vegies. The motion causes her incredible rack to bounce in a very pleasing motion. The cameras are obviously positioned to capture this.
Ray: Does that happen every episode?
Rue: Most episodes.
Ray: This is my new favourite cooking show!
Rue: You know, if I was ever to go with a woman, Nigella would make the cut.
She's teasing me of course and then goes into a long discussion about the fact that only Nigella Lawson or Angelina Jolie would be of any interest to her. Maybe the two of them together would be nice she's saying...
Of course she's torturing me now.
Rue: What do you think of them?
Ray: uh, that would be nice...
Rue: So you don't think they'd be good together? That wouldn't hit your lesbian fantasy voyeur buttons?
Ray: Not every man has those.
Rue: Do you?
Silence silence the only thing that will save me is silence.
Ray: Drink?
Rue: Sure...
Open House
About damn time.
There were 16 groups that traipsed through the open house we had from 2-5pm.
The house will sell. Soon. Very very soon.
March 20, 2004
Headhunter
Met with the Headhunter at 10 am yesterday.
For those of you who have never looked for a job through an agency before - you are a commodity to them. If you are in sellable condition they will try to make a deal (ie sell you) as quick as possible. If you are slightly dented, or need some other work you will be added to inventory ("We will hold your resume on file and call you if we have something...") Your resume will be one of thousands that the headhunter will use to prove that they have thousands of candidates they can shop to any potential employer. In other words you are a marketing tool for them.
So I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to be: sellable or inventory.
Total time at the interview: 15-20 minutes at the most, hardly any questions, an instruction to call back on April 5th, they may have something...
As I walk out into the sunshine the verdict is...
Inventory.
Then, Friday night I get a call. They want to present my resume to a well-known entertainment company. If I said their name you'd know it immediately, even though they're not that big.
So I might just be...
Sellable.
More Dr Who!
Dr Who is coming back with a new time lord in the title role.
I remember watching Dr. Who after school in the 1970s on TVO (kinda like the provincial version of PBS in Ontario) and blissfully ignored the cheap effects, crappy sets and stupid villains who didn't just kill the Doctor when they had him in their clutches...
Hopefully they simulcast this on BBC Canada when it's ready.
If you don't know who Christopher Eccleston is, he was the head crazy soldier in 28 Days Later, Nicole Kidman's husband in The Others, but I remember him best as repressed accountant David (gee, wonder why...) in Shallow Grave, a quirky little film from the people that brought you Trainspotting. (God I loved their apartment!)
March 18, 2004
Grinding Gears
Hellfire and damnation...
Life is just getting so confusing. Our house is up for sale and has been since the beginning of this year (January 7 to be specific) and still no takers. Considering that the older a listing gets, the less buzz there is about the property, Rue and I are developing alternate strategies...
Rue wants back into the workforce so that she can keep her credentials and have recent experience on her resume for any future positions out west...
Out west...
It's still a dream we both share and want to make a reality. Picking up all our stuff and moving 2500 miles "thataway" (imagine you see me pointing towards the already set sun.) is still the plan.
But...
If Rue gets a decent job she loves, that could change our plans. The "house husband" thing will be an interesting thing to try considering that I've finally started to slay that JOB=SELF WORTH thing that has been plaguing me for the last 15 years or so...It'll be...different, I thought.
And then...
the phone call from the Headhunter today- the one I didn't turn down out of hand because I'm moving to Kelowna like I did all the rest. What if it's not Rue that finds the perfect job- what if it's me? How much will it take to make me change my mind?
Hmmmmmm.
May you live in Interesting Times I am told is an ancient Chinese curse. Our times just got a lot more interesting as my first interview in a long time is scheduled for 10am tomorrow.
March 15, 2004
Not the time to be funny
Originally I was going to be flippant. I was going to paraphrase Basil Fawlty with the "amazing they ever got an armada together" line, but then thought better of it.
I have no damn idea what they're going through.
I have no right to judge their pain. Remote-viewing via CNN does not give me a share in the tragedy, just like it didn't on 9/11. I watched the towers fall live, but I wasn't in New York, I didn't breathe the dust or hear the rumbles...Bali, Madrid - these are still places on TV to me.
Let's be honest. Spain electing socialists was not good for anyone, especially them. Apeasement historically has never been an effective policy choice. Show fear in front of a rabid dog and you get mauled. Badly.
In response to being targeted, the Spaniards have chosen to put down the sword and leave the battle. Terrorists have now been able to mess with an election in a Western democracy successfully. The ballot-box has now been superceded by terrorist bombers.
Many recognize the dangers of this. It's not like these terrorist fucks need encouraging.
The scary question is who's next. 2004 is a big election year isn't it?
March 12, 2004
More like Super Grover, I think.
Its a bird, no its a plane, no its SUPER GROVER!!
You have big dreams but you still are scared of
your own shadow. Stop bothering that poor man!
You're Grover!
What Sesame Street Character Are You?
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March 11, 2004
Bulk reduction
Day 2 of hauling my big fat ass out onto my bike for a race huffing crawl around the neighbourhood...
Symptoms include:
- shortness of breath
- stomach cramps
- muscle ache (duh!)
and worst of all
- the bicycle seat has appeared to have shrunk. A spike in the bottom was one the Spanish inquisitions favourite tortures. I can see why...
Hopefully this becomes a habit and the pounds shed. At least I get to see the neighbourhood...
March 09, 2004
Espionage or Idiotage?
Captain Ed is reporting on John Kerry's strange policy gymnastics.
If he is telling the truth about consulting with "unnamed foreign leaders", the word "traitor" wouldn't be too far off the mark. Seriously. They used to shoot people for "communicating" with foreign powers. Quite rightly, too.
I'll bet the Republicans are quaking in their boots...This is the best guy the Democrats could find? I thought they could at least pick someone that would at least wait until he got into a full engagement with the dreaded Republican enemy before shooting his own foot off first.
And a year ago I thought Dubya wouldn't have a chance...
March 08, 2004
Pass the Tequila, Sheila
Sheila Copps has lost her riding nomination.
In a way I'm kind of sad. Sad in that way that Nixon-haters were sad when they no longer had Tricky-Dicky to kick around anymore. Sad the way the foaming at the mouth "Bush is evil" spouters will be sad when W finally calls it a day...
For me, a private Canadian citizen with no political or media ties - I'm just some guy with a blog...Sheila Copps has epitomized the arrogant, know-what's-better than you, your money is my money to spend as I damn-well want kind of politician that is still able to boil my blood with her latest self-promoting whines. I'm going to have to find some other idiot to hate and spew my venom upon.
Of course, now that her wittle feewings are hurt she's falling back on her tried-and-true methods for dealing with setbacks: Blame other people.
"When the party takes sides, that's a problem," she said. "When the leadership selectively uses the rules to massage an outcome, that's a problem."
Yes, it's all a conspiracy because no one would want to get rid of her in her own riding, would they?
NOOOOOOOOOOO! So I wanna move out west and Sheila wants to follow us? She's really trying to make this personal...
Go to Quebec. Please.
Translation: WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
March 06, 2004
So now I'm SYMPATHISING with Martha? Can the apocalypse be far off?
Damnit I never thought this day would come...
I'm actually quite disturbed by Martha Stewart's conviction. Maybe it's just me, but did they actually have a case against her?
So they get her on the periphery, based on her conduct during the investigation, but not for the actual crime itself? Hmmmm.
Well, that's easy to understand. I mean actually proving an Insider Trading charge is always a circumstantial exercise at best. Much easier to lean on someone and then watch for the slightest omission or fib...
A related article has details on what the jury was thinking.
Who is this freakin' "little guy" I keep hearing so damn much about? I know that Arthur Carlson was the "big guy", so they must mean either Herb or Les... So this "little guy" is blaming Martha for the cycle of fear and greed that blows every would-be speculator out of the water at the end of the speculative bubble that was the roaring 90's.
Wonderful this "presumed innocent" thing isn't it? So they assume that because Martha doesn't get herself in harm's way by opening herself up to cross-examination in court she must be hiding something...
Did nobody tell the jury that the government has to make its case on its own? That a defendant doesn't have to take the stand and that this shouldn't be construed as guilt or innocence?
Bueller?
Bueller?
Andrew Cohen at CBS has some thoughts:
Martha is actually the perfect target for such a prosecution: Her detractors hate her so much that they will celebrate any misfortune that befalls her, even if the prosecution was shoddy and the evidence sparse.
Her supporters are more concerned with tea-cosies and pot-pourri.
A much bigger OUCH for Martha:
So you get Martha Stewart Omnimedia with no chance of Martha at the helm.
I'm not a Martha cheerleader, but this scares me. And it should scare you too.
March 03, 2004
Arnie
Consider that a divorce! You're
Arnold Schwarzenegger!
Maker of mediocre action pics and son of an actual Nazi, you're perhaps an insane joke on God's part. Why should you survive while others perish? Is it your hair, your brains or that manly gap in your teeth? Is it because you're going to lead California to a new tomorrow? Is it because you've paid someone enough money so that radiation doesn't harm you? Are you a real cyborg?
Arnold is the new Jesus. Stat.
Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?
A Rum and Monkey joint.
March 02, 2004
Lucy
You are Lucy!
Which Peanuts Character are You?
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Rats! I resemble that remark...
Heads will roll
Via boss fired for Olympian Error
The purge continues. My favourite quote from this loser:
Which PR person was asleep and let this slip past them?
An Olympic double-Gold medalist can't deal with stress? "Ooooh, lookit the poor wittle girl who doesn't have a man, because ya know, women can't make it by themselves..." What an asshole.
Uh. I'm really trying to think of something biting to say here, but I'm speechless that such an idiotic comment could be made in public by someone who, conceivably should know better. Then again, I could be giving them more credit than they deserve. I mean the "uncredible single mom" tactic had a best before 1970 expiry date.
If they're found not guilty of ripping off Canadian taxpayers [doubtful!] they should at least be fired for being so stupid to make assinine comments such as these...
Ah yes, the tried and true tactic of personally attacking the whistle-blower rather than defending the actual issue.
She should get it.
UPDATE: Paul at Light and Dark has similar thoughts...