Scotty

Final Journey

The first words I ever learned to read were the words "Star Trek" in the TV guide when I was three. In the pre-remote control days of the early 1970's I was the family remote control. I had no problem with this task because I'd absolutely refuse to change the channel if Star Trek came on. My family got used to it.

My favourite scene of the series is when Scotty drinks a hostile alien under the table, sacrificing his prized bottles of alcohol, promptly passing out after he'd won the contest.

I hope that James Doohan spends the rest of his retirement in comfort. He deserves it for all that he's given to us.

Time Zones

The weirdest thing about moving back West is the time zone adjustment. By the time we get the kids to bed and settle down for the night it's way after midnight in the East, so any articles posted won't be read by the majority of readers (all 2 of you) until tomorrow morning, and by then many of the eastern bloggers have already posted their entries and moved on into the real world (I assume most of them have jobs...) and I feel like I'm showing up late to a party that's already winding itself down.

When I originally moved to Ontario in 1994, my new eastern time zone boss was fond of saying that we would deal with all the problems before head office (which was in the west) turned on the lights. He was kinda right.

At the time I was a big hockey fan and thought that the Pacific time zone was better: I'd get to watch the eastern hockey game from 4 to 7 over dinner, and if there was a western game, it'd be over by 10 or 11 leaving a good 3 to 4 hours of hardcore Saturday night binge drinking. When I moved east, all of a sudden the western game stretched on to 1:30 in the morning. Suddenly not worth it anymore.

But in 1994 it was a moot point: the league was having a strike or lockout - I can't remember which, but the result was the same. When they all came back I could no longer watch 6 straight hours of hockey anymore. I didn't really care about every game anymore.

Who knows. Maybe the upcoming strike might finish my taste for NHL hockey altogether. But I digress.

Coming back into the Pacific time zone is also harder because of our wonderful satellite dish. With all those eastern channels being fed into our living room, prime viewing begins at 5 in the afternoon. How weird is that?

I guess, like any change, it's all a matter of getting used to it.

More Useful Idiots

Canadians join anti-Bush rallies in New York

Do these poor deluded fools really think that if Bush goes, America will leave Iraq? The one thing that Kerry's not flip-flopped on is the fact that America has made a commitment to Iraq to see things through to the end. Their appearance will mean nothing to the war in Iraq.

Oh my. How does CTV define "scores?"

Ah, I see. "Scores."

Katana

Katana, chop enemies down with skill, speed and
accuracy. Katana's were made for warriors that
wanted to be fast and deadly like samurai
warriors. The Katana is very sharp and takes a
long time to blunt. (Please Vote)


What sword would you use (info and pics on swords as well)
brought to you by Quizilla

via Classical Values who's a Bastard...Sword that is.

Staplerfahrer Klaus

Oh my God this is the most hilarious Safety Video ever. It takes a couple of minutes to get going and has one of the best ending gorefests since Evil Dead.

This is Klaus. It's his first day on the job.

This one had me laughing so hard my eyes started streaming tears.

You DON'T need to understand German in order to laugh at this one.

This is Rudi. It's his last day on the job (I think...It is kinda open for a sequel)

Red Ensign #3

The Last Amazon is hosting the Red Ensign Standard this week. Lots of good links from the ever-growing Red Ensign Brigade (20 members now!)

Lots of good stuff. Check it out.

Triple Dog Dare

To increase the amount of pain and suffering around the world. Nicholas "Dr. Evil" Packwood a.k.a. Ghost of a Flea has Triple Dog Dared everyone to post high school era photos of themselves.

I tried to resist.

I really did.

But it's a Triple Dog Dare and rather than be accused of extreme cowardice (or is that Kerry-dice? Ouch! Zing! I had to get one in there, didn't I?) I have decided to inflict upon you, the two or three lost souls who've somehow clicked into this corner of the blogosphere by mistake, the ultimate punishment.

Click onward if you dare, but don't say that you haven't been warned.

He also lists others who've done this, but I don't care as I'm far too selfish in my pain and suffering to care about the rest of you and your pathetic little lives. To think this was all caused by Avril friggin' Lavigne...

I hate you Ghost of a Flea for causing me (and my two readers) this suffering!

To compensate here is a heroic picture of me finally defeating my evil older brother Erich in a sailing race that didn't end with my fist in his nose and his knee in my crotch.

Bruichladdich

Halifax 1997

I'm giving some training sessions on the accounting system to the sales force of the company I used to work for. It's March and the weather's damn cold. I'm staying across the harbour in Dartmouth and have taken the ferry to downtown Halifax for the evening. A good meal and then it's off to find a place to have a drink. I don't know anybody in town, aside from the co-workers I'm going to see the next day and am cruising the streets solo. I wander into a friendly looking pub playing live music and walk up to the bar. The "live music" is actually a table of patrons who have brought their own instruments and are getting completely hammered while belting out some of the best Maritime music I've ever heard.

I turn to the barmaid, who looks the part a little too perfectly, and ask for my favourite up-'til-this moment Scotch. She makes a face of disgust and looks like she's about to throw me out of the place when she leans over to me and says in that low husky voice used by so many women in her profession:

"Lad, would ya like ta sample a REAL Scots Whiskey?"

"Sure" I say.

Well, what would YOU say?

"But I'll make ya a deal, This first one's on me. If you like it, you'll hafta buy me ma" - she points at a little table next to the local musicians - "a shot of it too, for her Birthday, which was today."

Sounds like a fair deal to me. She pours me a Bruichladdich and I try not to gulp it down. I'm instantly in love. No, not with the barmaid, or her ma - although the possibility did cross my mind - Hey, I was single and desperate!

"Set your ma up," says I, a warm fire spreading through my chest, "and me too."

Two hours later I stagger out of the bar and catch the ferry back to Dartmouth, not giving a damn about the cold. When I awake in the morning, grabbing my computer and handouts as I head out the door, all I can think about is if they stock this stuff in the liquor stores here, and back in Ontario where I was living at the time. At the airport that evening, as I'm heading onto the plane to take me back to Toronto, I debate whether I made the right decision: checking my notebook (sorry, the COMPANY'S notebook) with baggage and taking the five bottles of Bruichladdich with me as carry-on.

In Toronto, the next time I went to the liquor store (down to 3 bottles of Bruichladdich) I can't find it anywhere. Oh well, I say to myself. I know people in Halifax who can get it for me. Then I here that they shut the distillery down in 1994 and that they won't be producing it ever again, meaning that the last bottles should be on sale in 2004 by my reckoning.

Curiously enough, as I digest this little piece of disappointment, I find a supply of Bruichladdich at the huge LCBO for $45 a bottle! The hoarding begins anew, but I have to consume and soon my supply has dwindled again. I begin to realize that I can't rely on my favourite single malt being available forever.

The last bottle is drained in early 2000. I am sad.

But then hope renewed. The distillery is purchased and new owners have taken over.

I start to see the magic bottles in the liquor stores again...WTF?

$74 a BOTTLE!!! $94.50 for the 15-year old?

Damn it. I really am going to have to find a job...

Slide

CONSERVATIVES 'ON VACATION' AS SUPPORT SLIDES

Funny how the collective unconciousness works. I was just thinking about this. Just as my political juices got flowing, the Canadian election was over, done, finito. I've been relegated to watching the U.S. election from the sidelines (honestly, fellow Canadians, which election has been more entertaining?) wondering when the hell Stephen Harper was going to go on the attack...I'm still waiting. I want to see political blood in the streets.

Anyone want to make a bet that if that Liberal number continues to climb that we may go back to the polls sooner rather than later.

The problem seems to be that the Conservatives have ceded the initiative: the government can hunch down and weather storms - the job of an opposition party is to attack attack attack. They should be making as much noise as possible about anything and everything.

It's not as if there's nothing to criticize, is there?

UPDATE 7:22PM Pacific Time - Damian Penny, a much more popular commentator than I am is thinking along the same lines...

Dinner

Rue's been busy in the kitchen again...

Springrolls all gone now...mmmm...

I don't normally brag, but I eat like this almost every day thanks to my wife's incredible cooking.

I'm not even gonna miss my favourite Vietnamese restaurant in Mississauga anymore.

Now if only I can find a place in Kelowna that does decent Pad Thai.

Girls Gone Wild!

No, it's not what you think.

I went out tonight to do a couple of errands, dragging real-life buddy and sometimes commenter Chris along for the ride. Due to the fact that Chris was a pussy and didn't want to go for a beer (Sorry for the 'tude dude, but according to this stupid test I'm 81% asshole, so I've decided to go with it for now.) I got home relatively early and definitely earlier than my wife and kids were expecting.

Insert explanation: our kids are young - 14 months and 2 and 3/4 years old respectively, so I'm not used to getting out by myself all that often and I was feeling kind of guilty for leaving Rue to get the girls settled and ready for bed.

So like I was saying - Chris was being a pussy for not going out for beer and I got home early expecting carnage and mayhem...no, just a massive game of touch football and all 4 girls, Rue, Boo, Punkin' and Ruby the dog all screaming, yelling and having lots of fun playing a toddler/infant/dog version of touch football.

I have to wonder if they always have this much fun when I'm not around...

Everybody! A-S-S-H-O-L-E!

I AM 81% ASSHOLE/BITCH! I am one of those people that love to hear the sound of their voice. That and my lousy attitude make for a mixture as toxic next-day-mexican-dinner-ass-drip. Take the ASSHOLE/BITCH test at Fuali.com

from those pussies, the Flea and my darlin' Rue

Movie review hints

Ha! I knew it!

Alien vs Predator sucks according to the reviewers. How did I know it would suck?

Well let's start with the fact that we've already seen enough of both species in the four Alien films and the two Predator films. Now they have to share screen time? Not enough individual time for either franchise fan to be satisfied. That's just my opinion, of course, as to why this movie would suck.

Reason number 2: Paul W.S. Anderson. The guy behind the crap that was Resident Evil. C'mon, Milla Jovovich in a tight red dress battling undead zombies. How the hell could he mess that up? BOR-RING! Then, I find he was the guy at the helm for Event Horizon, a film that had me going until the stupid ending, which threw away any pretense at suspense and instead went for a thriller ending, which made me want my 96 minutes back...

But the biggest clue was that there were no reviews out before its opening, which means the losers distributing the film knew it was a turkey, but didn't want that getting out before they could fleece the loyal fans of both genres for the opening weekend take. This is my number one indicator now.

They should rot in hell for destroying the Alien franchise. Predator? Hah, Danny Glover torched that franchise in 1990. Who really cared?

But since the movie's a hit, we'll probably get more crap like this thrown our way...

Staying out of the woods

In about 5 years from now, my daughters will be talking about going camping.

I won't go with them.

Not after seeing this movie.

No damn way am I going. And it'll take a whole damn bunch of convincing for me to let them go.

Caskets at Costco

If they had bar service, I'd probably never have to leave...

Costco begins test marketing caskets

Oh man! This could be the basis of a whole new season for Six Feet Under! David meets up with an attractive Costco casket stockboy and sexy sparks fly! David's lover Keith gets a job as Costco-entrance-card-checking-guy which causes tension with David as he's now working for the organization trying to put Fisher and Diaz out of business. Claire and her "artsy" alternative-lifestyle pals invade the matress section with sexy results!

Shopping for caskets long before a loved one's death- hmmm...I don't know if the Costco's in the U.S. sell guns and ammo too, but if they do you could take care of all your needs if you wanted to bump off any inconvenient (rich!) family members and arrange for their disposal afterward...well that'd be just perfect.

And I could pick up bulk chicken wings for the barbeque afterwards! What a wonderful world we live in!

Too many blogs, too little time

As a consequence of hosting the Red Ensign Standard I've got quite a few more blogs to read and put in my newsreader. For those that don't know what a newsreader is, well it's a program that collects newsfeeds from various sources and puts it in a consistent, headline scannable program. The one I've been using is called Sharpreader and it's free. The nice thing is that it lets you scan all your favourite reads at a glance and lets you know if anything new has been written without having to surf over to blog after blog. A real time saver.

But the only problem is that blogspot blogs don't seem to support it, and there are still a lot of good writers on blogspot...Oh well, some time saved is better than none.

A big thanks to all the Red Ensign members and others who've sent me compliments on the Red Ensign Standard. It was fun hosting and I look forward to the next one. Hopefully I write something worthy of the show...That's the good part about being host - you don't have to provide any posts of your own if you don't want to. MUAHAHAHA!

Red Ensign Standard

This is actually the second installment of The Red Ensign Standard. The first was a post by John at Castle Argghhh! that in hindsight seems like the most obvious good idea: a roundup of postings from what's become known by some as the Red Ensign Brigade.

As host, I thought I'd start off with a little about why I'm flying the Red Ensign in this little corner of the web. It's not for family history reasons. In fact, I'm quite certain that most if not all of my relatives fought against this banner in both World Wars. But my parents came to Canada looking for a better life from a shattered Europe, and by God they found it. Canada was and still is one of the only countries on this planet where success and security is still an output of how hard you work when you arrive. I truly believe this.

At the time, my country was flying this flag.

So it might seem weird for a blog called Raging Kraut, haunted by a ghostly Otto von Bismarck, to be flying a Red Ensign; to throw in with this group of...well you decide who we are and what we stand for. Presented below is a sampling of writing from our little corner of the blogosphere.

At present we have 17 member Blogs. That number will grow.

Our fearless leader, the Ghost of a Flea chimes in with a warning about Danes on our borders. He also talks about Paris and Nicole and Daleks and Swagger sticks. The Flea is averaging about 10 posts per day: I thought that I had detected some nefarious pattern in these entries noted, but it's more likely that I'm totally insane.

Ith from Absinthe & Cookies presents lots of bite-sized morsels. However, my favourite is this one. "The senior staff believes the media is committed to seeing us win this thing, and that the convention inoculated us from these kinds of stories." GRRRR! What media bias?

Paul Jané of All Agitprop, All the Time talks about a group of loveable mercenaries getting pardoned by the U.S. Military for crimes they didn't commit. I'm told the 80's are coming back in a big way...

John of Castle Argghhh! goes wading through the past on ebay and scores a piece of history from August 1917. He also notes that Canadians are still fulfilling vital roles in the war on terror in Afghanistan. Too many people seem to have forgotten.

Jon at Blogulaciousness has two posts regarding Michelle Malkin's new book In Defense of Internment. I think I want to read this book too, if only to be well armed the next time I hear an argument break out over it at the local bookstore.

Alan at Gen X at 40 notes our Federal Government's collective "up yours" to our veterans may not turn out as they expected.

Both Huck of Bumfonline and Jaeger of Trudeaupia are commenting on the growing displeasure with the CRTC's decision to shut down CHOI-FM. My favourite sign has to be: Clowns Rule This Country...

Paul, at Musings of a Canadian Slacker lives up to his blog title by not having a new entry, but commemorates the 60th anniversary of the July 20th von Stauffenberg plot to kill Hitler. How many lives on both sides would have been saved if they had succeeded?

Myrick comments on a study showing how Al-Qaeda ideology is affecting second and third-generation South Asian men, who otherwise would seem to be perfectly integrated into British society. Something our thought-police at the CRTC should take into account since Al-Jazeera may soon be available in Canada.

Lot's of goodies at Occam's Carbuncle ranging from some classic Bill Clinton, fun with notwithstanding clauses, and taking the guy who likes to blow up people who like to blow us up

Paul at Ravishing Light also notes the protest against the CRTC at Parliament Hill and also covers The Horror! The Horror! how John Kerry thinks Apocalypse Now was actually his biography. "Reporting for Duty!"

Chris Taylor has two excellent articles up about the atomic bombs dropped on Japan and the special challenges faced by the men who effectively ended World War Two.

He also points out the similarity with other societies "that encourage their young into war and martyrdom as the purest of accomplishments."

The Last Amazon notes that Monday was the 30th anniversary of the death of nine Canadian peacekeepers at the hands of Syria. No apologies. No compensation. Nothing. I didn't even know about this.

The Monger's got lots of good stuff to peruse, however my favourite is about how quick everyone is to judge Iraq's fledgling democracy. Remember our own democracies took a lot of time and a lot of blood to develop.

The Tiger in Winter discusses Treason as it relates to the rule of law in a thought-provoking post on the subject.

Well it's been fun ladies and gentlemen...I do hereby hand responsibility for the next issue of the Red Ensign Standard over to The Last Amazon for August 26th.

Familiarity Breeds Contempt

The more I know about John Kerry, the greater my disbelief that this was the best the Democrats could do - will the fact that he's not Bush be enough to deliver the White House into his hands?

But let's all forget that - He's NOT Bush.

He's - tee hee - "reporting for duty!" And he's not Bush.

Brought down by his own journal entries!! Well that's one difference between Bush and Kerry, if the worst (leftist view) about Bush is to be believed: At least Bush can lie effectively. That alone would make me side with Bush, if I were American.

I still can't believe that this was the best they could do. But the Democrats could've put Pee-Wee Herman up as their nominee, scream "He ain't Bush!" and still get the same number of votes...

I still smell Slick Willie and Hillary behind all this for 2008. Kerry's the sacrificial lamb. It's the only thing that makes sense.

Director's Cuts must Stop!

Everytime Rue and I watch a movie with two possible interpretations (whacked-out weirdo is crazy and all fantastical things happen in the weirdo's mind OR sci-fi weirdness is actually happening and only the hero can see it and act to save the world) long interesting conversations spring forth about the movie and what it all means. Movies like 12 Monkeys, or more recently Donnie Darko nd Mulholland Drive.

So you can imagine my disappointment when the director of Donnie Darko puts out a directors cut that takes the mystery out of everything and explains the whole damn thing. (DON'T CLICK IF YOU DON'T WANT MAJOR SPOILAGE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.)

The whole director's cut, fleece extra fan-dollars trend must be stopped.

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Everbody but Rue can click the extended entry.

And this isn't because my interpretation of Donnie Darko was wrong. It wasn't. But it just takes all the fun out of arguing with my wife and the mystery out of a damn fine movie.

Red Ensign

It's coming.

The RED ENSIGN REVIEW.

This Thursday I will be your host. Until then, read the post that started it all.

Do not adjust your set...

That was fun. There were some fun blow-ups on my blogging software today and yesterday. Thankfully I only lost one post, making references to John Kerry's resemblance to Red Dwarf's Arnold Rimmer

Right...

"I'm John Kerry, and I'm reporting for duty!"

Good Lord...and he saluted too...

Aside from the crap about being born in the "West Wing" of a stupid hospital no one cares about, the rest of the speech wasn't that bad. Typical rah rah election hyperbole, but this "I was a Vietnam hero for four months, so I know everything about war..." is going to get very old, very fast and the Dems better come up with something better soon, because bringing up a divisive war to fight an election during another divisive war could backfire in a big way.

Hillary looks impressed.

Prepare for Hillary in 2008 if Kerry screws this up and joins McGovern, Mondale, and Dukakis.