God! I am a civil servant!

Rampant paranoia has overtaken me this Easter Monday...

When I woke up this morning I looked outside to see that half of my neighbours had put out their trash and half hadn't: who was right? What did one half know that the other half didn't? Trash day is Monday, but I always get screwed up by holidays, especially Easter. Is the Holiday (ie. day I don't have to haul my ass onto the 401 and head to the centre of Toronto's universe to toil tirelessly in my veal-fattening pen) Good Friday or Easter Monday?

I'll solve the perplexing mystery: today WAS trash day and as I saw the truck ambling down our street I got the garbage out just in time. Yes, only quality slice-of-life adventure served up here on Raging Kraut...

So, of course I'm now freaked out that today may not in fact be a holiday for me...I decide to phone work to see if the office is open. I've even got a fake voice all prepared. I phone: no answer; the phone keeps ringing and ringing. Not even voicemail.

We had both Friday AND Monday off. Thank you Government of Ontario...

OK, now I can relax and catch up on some sleep.

Maybe I'll have that stupid dream where I didn't really finish University and therefore I get fired and get kicked out of my apartment so my dog takes up with a new master, yada yada yada...

Peaceful Sunday

As I write this, my wife and dog are sleeping and my 17-month old daughter is quietly playing in her playpen.

Sometimes the happiest moments are the quietest.

Happy Easter to those of you that celebrate it.





So much for my rage...

Nobody EVER suspects the Bunny Rabbit!

Mean lil fellow, arn't you?


What Monty Python Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


"...for death awaits ye, with nasty, BIG POINTY TEETH!"

Well, it's not so much which "Monty Python" character quiz as much as it's which "Holy Grail" character are you...

Ch-ch-ch-changes?

I've lived in the GTA since 1995.
It's been very good to me.
It's also been the scene of setbacks challenges to my career.

The field I work in is almost perfectly aligned with staying in Toronto if I search for other jobs.

The company I work for has a TEMPTING position available in Northern Ontario that was posted yesterday that would make me a PERMANENT employee of the company rather than a CONTRACT employee.

More money, better position in line with ultimate career goal, cheaper cost of living, and the "small-town" quality of life for my kids...

My supportive wife has chided me for even hesitating about making this decision...

My application was e-mailed 5 minutes ago...

More to follow as it happens...

When I'm Bad I'm Better!

So which LOTR Villain are you? Hmm??
made by Michelle at EmptySpace.

Where are my Scissors?

You know,

My biggest pet peeve when it comes to office etiquette is people who touch my laptop screen when trying to point at something in Excel...

KEEP YOUR DAMN GREASEY FINGERS TO YOURSELF OR I'LL CUT THEM OFF!!!

I mean, why? Why do they have to actually MAKE CONTACT with my screen? Now they've gone away and I have this little grease dot on my screen...

Leave my poor screen alone.

Please.

Vanity Plates

Here I was thinking I'd found something new, when my wife beats me to the punch

In internet time, ya snooze ya lose I guess...

Paranoia will destroy Ya!

Why does it feel like this SARS stuff is happening somewhere else? I mean is there some weird parallel universe that we're getting our news from?

I'm sitting across the table from my co-worker Dave at lunch on Thursday. We're sitting in the Food Court, which is pretty well the only source of food within walking distance. The real weirdness of North York is that you're in prime office locations, you know the ones that make you pay for monthly parking: I wish I'd got a job in the sticks somewhere...but there's no food within walking distances like downtown or Yonge and Bloor. So this little food court with only a handful of crap fast food is basically the only game in town. I practically live on their teriyaki chicken.

If you believe the tone of the news coverage in Toronto you'd believe that everyone would be in masks and that a plague had descended upon us and that judgement was nigh, but I digress...

I see zero evidence of paranoia in the crowded food court. No masks, no weirdness.

Dave and I are both eating teriyaki chicken. We eat at about the same speed (buzzsaw!) and the food is disappearing at a good pace. We're about halfway through when Dave stops eating, gets up excusing himself, and goes to the restroom. I'm sitting there eating the rest of my food. I notice Dave in the lineup at McDonald's, while his half-eaten teriyaki chicken is on the table in front of me...

Ever get that weird feeling, that compulsion to look at the accident that's messing up the on-coming traffic? I believe the term is rubber-necking. I complain about the bastards that do it when they're in the line ahead of me, but I do it myself...Well I'm getting this feeling now: I have to know WHY Dave isn't eating his teriyaki chicken.

Victory is mine!

I have defeated the mighty Michele from A Small Victory (it must have just been luck. I'm pretty sure she would make me pay in real life!)

Puny mortals! Mess with me if you dare!

Ray is a Purple People-Eating Magic Monkey ...with a Battle Rating of 9.1 To see if your Food-Eating Battle Monkey can defeat Ray, enter your name:

Spoilers

NOTE: IN THIS ARTICLE I'M GOING TO SPOIL THE ENDINGS OF THE FOLLOWING MOVIES - PRESUMED INNOCENT, CITIZEN KANE. IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THESE MOVIES AND DON'T WANT TO SPOIL THE ENDINGS DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

My first room-mate after University was a guy named Dom, whom I'd been friends with for two years before we found a place (with his sorta-girlfriend/foul temptress Mel, but that's another story...)

Dom and I worked opposite shifts: I had a nine-to-five day job and Dom would work as a waiter (ie. nights, weekends etc.) so a lot of times we were home at different hours and would watch different TV shows, but one of the ones we could definitely agree on was Kids in the Hall.



It usually wound up that Dom and I would watch Kids in the Hall on CBC on Thursday at 8pm. This was the original run of the show so we'd be waiting all week for the next one to air. One Thursday I was out drinking and asked him to tape the episode for me...

I came home quite inebriated and found Dom chain-smoking and drinking a ton of coffee, typical Dom behaviour...

He hadn't taped Kids in the Hall. GRRRRR!
He proceeded to tell me about the skits GRRRRR!

DON'T CLICK IF YOU DON'T WANT THE MOVIES SPOILED: