Foods of Passion

Late Friday evening, in front of the television

Rue: You never write about my "talents" on your blog.
Ray: Which "talents" are you referring to? [smirk]
Rue: You know damn well. My cooking!
Ray: Wouldn't want those sick and twisted net denizens to get any ideas about my relationship with your gastronomic excellence, would I?

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Truth of the matter: my wife is an excellent cook. She was a good cook when I met her, but 24 hours a day of Food TV has made her incredible. Her Italian dishes sing, her salads are sublime, her meats...well I could go on and on...

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Ray: Besides, I'm not a food critic...
Rue: Shhhhhhhhh!
Ray: I wouldn't know how to adequately describe...
Rue (more urgently): SHHHHHHHH!
Ray: What?
Rue (sharply): Nigella's on.



Ray: She's hot.
Rue: I know.
Ray: I love that outfit. It really shows off her...assets? talents?
Rue: You mean her incredible rack?
Ray: er, yeah.
Rue: I think so too.
Ray: The outfit?
Rue: No, she's got an incredible rack.

On screen, Nigella Lawson uses a curved half moon blade to chop vegies. The motion causes her incredible rack to bounce in a very pleasing motion. The cameras are obviously positioned to capture this.

Ray: Does that happen every episode?
Rue: Most episodes.
Ray: This is my new favourite cooking show!
Rue: You know, if I was ever to go with a woman, Nigella would make the cut.

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She's teasing me of course and then goes into a long discussion about the fact that only Nigella Lawson or Angelina Jolie would be of any interest to her. Maybe the two of them together would be nice she's saying...

Of course she's torturing me now.

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Rue: What do you think of them?
Ray: uh, that would be nice...
Rue: So you don't think they'd be good together? That wouldn't hit your lesbian fantasy voyeur buttons?
Ray: Not every man has those.
Rue: Do you?

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Silence silence the only thing that will save me is silence.

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Ray: Drink?
Rue: Sure...