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The Sky In My World is Whatever the Hell Colour it Actually is That Day

Posted by Ray on 04/10/03 at 01:28 PM • News Commentary (0) Trackbacks Permalink


My belief has always been that people will change interpret the facts to suit their beliefs, rather than have the facts challenge their belief structure.

- That's why the piece of filth that comes home and beats his wife and kids thinks of himself as a "good guy" because he earns a paycheque.
- That's why people who steal things from work can sleep at night, because they can't consider their company as a victim.
- That's why if you were against this war before it started, you're probably still against it despite the scenes of happy Iraqis, drunk with the heady brew of liberation.

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Iraqis deface a mural in Khaaneqin, the first major northern city to fall to coalition forces

- That's why if you were for this war before it started, you would still be for it after this:

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Ali Ismaeel Abbas, 12 was left badly burned and missing both arms after a coalition missile attack


"When the facts change I change my mind. What do you do?"

--John Maynard Keynes

Raging Kraut




Where are my Scissors?

Posted by Ray on 04/08/03 at 05:40 PM • Sauerkraut (0) Trackbacks Permalink


You know,

My biggest pet peeve when it comes to office etiquette is people who touch my laptop screen when trying to point at something in Excel...

KEEP YOUR DAMN GREASEY FINGERS TO YOURSELF OR I'LL CUT THEM OFF!!!



I mean, why? Why do they have to actually MAKE CONTACT with my screen? Now they've gone away and I have this little grease dot on my screen...

Leave my poor screen alone.

Please.
Raging Kraut




Vanity Plates

Posted by Ray on 04/08/03 at 12:57 PM • Sauerkraut (0) Trackbacks Permalink


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Here I was thinking I'd found something new, when my wife beats me to the punch

In internet time, ya snooze ya lose I guess...
Raging Kraut




Brush with Power...

Posted by Ray on 04/07/03 at 12:39 PM • Politics (0) Trackbacks Permalink


When I was a horny university student (more than a DECADE ago; my how time flies!) I lived in the Place Vanier residence at UBC in Vancouver. In the summers I was trying to get relevant experience (ie office slave work) and kept running up against the "extracurricular activities" trap in interviews.

I don't know about the University students you know or knew, but the majority of my extra-curricular activities consisted of getting drunk and trying to get some attractive young lady I didn't know (or did, depending on how much whiskey was in my system) to retire to my boudoir for an evening of slap and tickle... Sometimes this clumsy approach even worked! Most times it didn't and resulted more in just SLAP!

This did not qualify as "extra-curricular activity" in the eyes of job recruiters. So I figured I'd need some "student politics" to pad my resume...I wanted a position that wouldn't require any actual work mind you...something that had the potential for a bit of fun... so I stood for House President at the end of my second year and was elected so that in my third year I had control of the house party funds and the house VCR for my third year. My neighbour across the hall also had the largest collection of Star Trek tapes I had ever seen, so my grades dropped accordingly.

So what did this mean? I had to attend a weekly meeting of other House Presidents that made up the Residence Council. This council had nine other house presidents, then the Secretary, Treasurer, VP and President. The President was this guy named Liam, whose only noteable characteristic was that he looked like the lead singer of The Pogues.

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OK, maybe he had better teeth, but the ears and face were the same...

I would've forgotten all this except for one incident that became known as "Jacket-gate." This was to teach me the true nature of government.
Raging Kraut




Paranoia will destroy Ya!

Posted by Ray on 04/06/03 at 09:17 PM • Sauerkraut (0) Trackbacks Permalink


Why does it feel like this SARS stuff is happening somewhere else? I mean is there some weird parallel universe that we're getting our news from?

I'm sitting across the table from my co-worker Dave at lunch on Thursday. We're sitting in the Food Court, which is pretty well the only source of food within walking distance. The real weirdness of North York is that you're in prime office locations, you know the ones that make you pay for monthly parking: I wish I'd got a job in the sticks somewhere...but there's no food within walking distances like downtown or Yonge and Bloor. So this little food court with only a handful of crap fast food is basically the only game in town. I practically live on their teriyaki chicken.

If you believe the tone of the news coverage in Toronto you'd believe that everyone would be in masks and that a plague had descended upon us and that judgement was nigh, but I digress...

I see zero evidence of paranoia in the crowded food court. No masks, no weirdness.

Dave and I are both eating teriyaki chicken. We eat at about the same speed (buzzsaw!) and the food is disappearing at a good pace. We're about halfway through when Dave stops eating, gets up excusing himself, and goes to the restroom. I'm sitting there eating the rest of my food. I notice Dave in the lineup at McDonald's, while his half-eaten teriyaki chicken is on the table in front of me...

Ever get that weird feeling, that compulsion to look at the accident that's messing up the on-coming traffic? I believe the term is rubber-necking. I complain about the bastards that do it when they're in the line ahead of me, but I do it myself...Well I'm getting this feeling now: I have to know WHY Dave isn't eating his teriyaki chicken.
Raging Kraut




Capitalism at its Finest

Posted by Ray on 04/04/03 at 11:00 AM • Business (0) Trackbacks Permalink


I am on BLOGSHARES!

I am indexed but not listed for trading (YET!)

You too can soon own a piece of the Kraut! (If Pet Rocks could sell, then so can ragingkraut.com!)
Raging Kraut




Last Time on Raging Kraut...

Posted by Ray on 04/03/03 at 01:13 PM • General (0) Trackbacks Permalink


I'm feeling another serious entry coming on...

I'm trying my best to resist. Must. Be. Light. And. Funny...

I worry that I'm tapped out of subject matter. That the effin' war will take up the majority of the electrical impulses left between the dozen or so brain cells that are still firing in the hollowed-out cavity in the top of my skull.

I'm getting pissed off at the war coverage:





I feel like the Grinch at Christmas (before the end of the story when they pussified him): "All the noise, the noise, the noise!"

Ahhhh, Christmas: only 265 more days to go!
Raging Kraut




Victory is mine!

Posted by Ray on 04/02/03 at 10:17 AM • Sauerkraut (1) Trackbacks Permalink


I have defeated the mighty Michele from A Small Victory (it must have just been luck. I'm pretty sure she would make me pay in real life!)

Puny mortals! Mess with me if you dare!

Ray
is a
Purple People-Eating Magic Monkey


...with a Battle Rating of 9.1



To see if your Food-Eating Battle Monkey can
defeat Ray, enter your name:

Raging Kraut




Spoilers

Posted by Ray on 04/01/03 at 01:43 PM • Sauerkraut (0) Trackbacks Permalink


NOTE: IN THIS ARTICLE I'M GOING TO SPOIL THE ENDINGS OF THE FOLLOWING MOVIES - PRESUMED INNOCENT, CITIZEN KANE. IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THESE MOVIES AND DON'T WANT TO SPOIL THE ENDINGS DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

My first room-mate after University was a guy named Dom, whom I'd been friends with for two years before we found a place (with his sorta-girlfriend/foul temptress Mel, but that's another story...)

Dom and I worked opposite shifts: I had a nine-to-five day job and Dom would work as a waiter (ie. nights, weekends etc.) so a lot of times we were home at different hours and would watch different TV shows, but one of the ones we could definitely agree on was Kids in the Hall.

kith.bmp

It usually wound up that Dom and I would watch Kids in the Hall on CBC on Thursday at 8pm. This was the original run of the show so we'd be waiting all week for the next one to air. One Thursday I was out drinking and asked him to tape the episode for me...

I came home quite inebriated and found Dom chain-smoking and drinking a ton of coffee, typical Dom behaviour...

He hadn't taped Kids in the Hall. GRRRRR!
He proceeded to tell me about the skits GRRRRR!

DON'T CLICK IF YOU DON'T WANT THE MOVIES SPOILED:
Raging Kraut




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