c'mon down ta South Park...
Posted by
Ray on 02/25/04 at 11:58 AM •
Sauerkraut •
(2)
Trackbacks •
Permalink
The likeness is eerie...
via
South Park Studios.
hat tip to
Rilana.
Ahnold with nukes!
Posted by
Ray on 02/24/04 at 12:24 PM •
News Commentary •
(0)
Trackbacks •
Permalink
Schwarzenegger: Let foreign-born seek White House
The Republican governor said anyone who has been a U.S. citizen for at least 20 years -- as he has -- should "absolutely" be able to seek the presidency. A constitutional amendment proposed by Sen. Orrin Hatch, a Utah Republican, would make that possible.
20 years? Hell, they want to give status to illegal immigrants. How 'bout 20 days?
"Look at the kind of contribution that people like Henry Kissinger have made...
Uh, I don't think Mr.
Machiavelli Kissinger is the best example you could come up with Arnie...Of course Terminator 4 could be filmed using the full arsenal of democracy if
Schwarzenegger/Stallone 2012 comes to fruition.
Considering America's status as the "cultural melting pot" and haven for immigrants I think this kind of law is an anachronism. It smacks of special status for those who from an accident of birth can do something that others cannot. Strange for a country where "all men are created equal."
Then again, it really doesn't matter does it? I mean women and minorites can now be legally elected president, right? How many have been put forward for president? That's right. None.
I hope he's successful.
I really do.
Because then I can move south and become leader of the free world. Muahaha!
Just because you're paranoid...
Posted by
Ray on 02/20/04 at 11:33 PM •
News Commentary •
(0)
Trackbacks •
Permalink
I wrote in
this entry about my paranoid reaction to the meter reader in my yard.
Turns out that my paranoia is
not without some foundation-
when she bounded out of the shower and downstairs in search of a comb, only to face a set of binoculars focused on her house from the yard next door.
And who is this
masher, this
miscreant invading the ladie's privacy?
Turns out it was her friendly gas meter reader operating in winter mode. The man explained that he uses binoculars to read the tiny dials on the meter because "it's easier to do it with binoculars."
I'll bet it is.
The Enbridge gas company confirms that meter readers, who work for private contractors, are authorized to use binoculars when snow or other obstacles block their way.
And of course we can always trust the gas company to be completely discreet by sending only
upstanding citizens into our backyards.
That's it.
Time to let the dog roam free to chew up some trespassers...
REM Sleep
Posted by
Ray on 02/17/04 at 11:10 PM •
Sauerkraut •
(0)
Trackbacks •
Permalink
Our youngest, Princess Punkin', is teething...
This means that no one is sleeping except our oldest, who has that incredible deep sleep of an active two year old. And boy does little Punkin' have pipes! I remember my buddy Paul telling me that his second child was quiet and easy-going; neither of my girls can be described that way...
So I'm losing REM sleep...
I'm being woke up every two hours or so, when it's my turn or not to deal with the poor wee one. I'm OK to do it, but my brains are starting to scramble: I'm feeling drunk during the daytime: that otherworldly sheen that the world takes on when you're on whiskey number five - minus the lack of co-ordination and feelings of impregnability that come from a bottle.
People keep telling me that having two kids this close together is great: when the youngest is ten! Until then it's double-teaming hell.
Even spreading the child care chores with
Rue isn't keeping fatigue at bay for either of us. Sometimes I wonder how she keeps going. I think she's tougher than I am...and her cooking is much better.
Firsts...
Posted by
Ray on 02/14/04 at 01:46 PM •
Sauerkraut •
(0)
Trackbacks •
Permalink
The laptop is thrust into my hands...My darling
Valentine smiles at me and commands me to
DO IT!
I answer the following questions to create
The Kraut's Memory of Firsts!
Your Earliest Memories in Life.
What is your very first memory of:
1. Mother
Apple Cake in the oven. Being told to shhhhh! or the cake would fall and I wouldn't get any. Lies all lies. It wasn't that kind of cake.
2. Father
Always building things in the basement. I remember sitting in a half-finished sailing dinghy and Dad going upstairs to answer the phone leaving his hammer within reach...BANG BANG BANG! Dad running downstairs, murder in his eyes, then laughter..."Help build DADA!" says I.
3. Siblings
My brother is 16 years older than me...At dinner when I'm three years old he leans over and whispers: "How do you like your BLOOD SOUP, Raymond? You know Mom and Dad are lying when they say it's tomato soup..."
4. Friends
Lewis and Raphael, who eventually proved false. Rot in hell.
5. Pets
"Can I have a dog?"
"No, your Dad's allergic."
"What about my brother's dog?"
"He didn't have a dog."
"What about the dog in the pictures?"
"Oh. That dog...Well your Dad have to have shots every day so we could keep that dog. It made him very sick..."
"Can Dad have shots so I can have a dog?"
"No."
The allergy story was a lie. I proved it later. They just shrugged.
6. Food
Apple cake. Steak, potatoes, lotsa garlic. Fresh salad from the garden.
7. Toy
Lego, Lego, LEGO!
8. Bathtime
Scalding hot water turning my skin bright pink; the only way to take a bath. Regular burning shampoo in the eyes. No more tears, my ass!
9. Bedtime story
"Go to sleep or the evil clown in your closet will deal with you!"
-kidding
I usually put myself to bed and listened to the clock radio. Crying myself to sleep when the Maple Leafs lost (which was always. It was the 1970s!)
10. Music/song
Constant German music taped off the multicultural radio stations. Lotsa marches... The Germans do love their marching tunes.
11. TV
That magic moment when the old black and white TV was unplugged and taken away- while I was watching!...starting to cry...then a new, BIGGER, TV was wheeled in by my father and brother...plugged in...turned on...
AND THEN THE WORLD TURNED COLOUR!
12. Movie
"The Sound of Music" - parents of a friend of mine offered to take several of us to a matinee. I'd never seen an image so big! I sat through the three hours speechless.
13. Christmas
Pocket Fisherman, the most useless gift a five year old who doesn't fish could get.
14. Neighbours
Mr. Mann next door would tarzan-yell every time he saw me. I'd answer with the same yell. His evil white and black cat Herbie would hunt birds in our yard. I'd hunt him. His daughter Nancy, who was 18 had a thing for my brother. They both worked at the Toronto Zoo. I had a thing for her, but I didn't yet understand what it was...
15. Play
All the lego piled together into one grand lego fortress. World domination... Muwahahahah! Snow fortresses outside on winter days.
16. Smells
Did I mention I liked apple cake? The smell of cake baking in the oven.
17. Clothes
Ugly corduroy, ugly polyester, really ill-fitting crap. Everyday running shoes in the days before the Nike swoosh ruled the school yard. Cool Addidas kids looking down on the rest of us...
18. Travel
Four days trapped in a van with my parents travelling to Vancouver from Toronto and then another four days travelling back. Standing back from the rail of a car ferry in fear of it collapsing and me being thrown into the churning ocean where the sharks would get me...
19. Notice of opposite (or same) sex
Michelle Baker, cute little blonde girl with straight hair who had no idea I was alive.
Finally noticing that our buddy Clarissa was a girl (and a pretty one too!) a couple of days before I moved away to British Columbia for fourteen years...
20. Early memories that don't fit any of the above categories.
My first ever memory is of stepping on a bee and having it sting me in the foot. The blinding pain! Not being able to stand after that. The agony of waiting for my mother to cross the yard and get to me while writhing on the floor...
via Rue from
Abraca-Pocus!, my Valentine and originator of this meme.
Sniper, Baby!
Posted by
Ray on 02/14/04 at 01:41 AM •
Sauerkraut •
(0)
Trackbacks •
Permalink

What Gun Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
via
Classical Values
Old
Posted by
Ray on 02/10/04 at 06:00 PM •
Sauerkraut •
(0)
Trackbacks •
Permalink
That's it. I'm now no longer relevant. I am over the hill.
It's been a fun 33 years but now I'm just going to give up, hitch my pants up to my armpits, move south, pretend it's not hot and start bitching non-stop about the lack of special privileges for old people (like me!)
It happened this morning.
I looked out the window and saw a dishevelled young man (that's the exact way my now over the hill brain described him: dishevelled young man - up to mischief no doubt!) walking across my front yard. I tried to think which high school is nearby - but there's only the private school down the road. They all wear uniforms. He couldn't possibly be from there.
He appeared to cut across the front yard and headed for the apartment building accross the street! He's one of the residents of the "projects" (as my wife calls the apartment buildings across the street) and the little bastard cut across my lawn as a shortcut. He disappeared into the doorway.
He's lucky I didn't see him earlier. I would've released the hounds. OK I would've released the
hound who would've shown him who's boss by licking him to death. The nerve of some people!
Of course his parents are probably products of the "I'm OK, you're OK" bullshit touchy feely "rap with your kids" school of discipline. More concerned with his "wittle feewings" than with instilling a sense of respect into the snotty little bastard...
Still bothered by this, I look out the window across the street and notice the same snotty little bastard climbing through the snow in my neighbour's yard.
Cheeky little bastard! Where the hell's my phone!
-- And then I notice
why he's trudging through the snow: he's reading the electrical meter on the side of the house!
Who the hell am I becoming? My father!?! Next thing you know I'll be driving the speed limit, whining about all the boy racers passing me in my minivan...
This can
NOT be happening.
If this guy's not a refugee...
Posted by
Ray on 02/07/04 at 10:02 AM •
Politics •
(0)
Trackbacks •
Permalink
then who is?
North Korea reminds me of Orwell's 1984:
His wife was lured home by her parents before she had a chance to make a refugee claim and in April 2002, was executed in North Korea
...lured home by her parents...who probably had a good idea what was going to happen to her.
Board member Bonnie Milliner ruled that Mr. Ri would likely be executed for treason if returned home but said he was not "deserving of Canada's protection" because he was complicit in crimes against humanity merely for being a member of Kim Jong Il's government.
She made that ruling despite written assurances from Canada's War Crimes Unit that Mr. Ri was "not a person of interest to them" and that there was no evidence he had committed crimes against humanity.
So, with the self-importance of Pontius Pilate, she washes her hands of this and sends him back to his death.
Canada is usually seen as a haven to bogus refugee claimants; people who are undeserving. Here we have a case that seems to qualify perfectly as a genuine situation and it's being refused.
"While [Mr. Ri] may not have personally committed any atrocities, I believe that on a balance of probabilities he was aware of the North Korean government's excesses ... and waited 10 years [to leave]," she concluded in her September 2003 decision
So what's the incentive for any high level diplomat to defect if this is the response they'll get. Any high level diplomat will be "aware" of his country's excesses. What bullshit.
Mr. Ri's problem is that he obviously has nothing of value to trade to Canadian or American authorities. And for this omission he'll be returned and killed.
Blogiversary
Posted by
Ray on 02/07/04 at 02:58 AM •
Sauerkraut •
(0)
Trackbacks •
Permalink
Well, as of today it's been one year that I've had this blog up. When I look back at the earlier entries I see the beginnings of some kind of thinking process, but mostly I can't escape the early gibberish present in my first posts.
Not to say that these current posts don't contain their share of gibberish too- They're just more eloquent gibberish-infused posts, with a hell of a lot more mudslinging.
Many bloggers get deluded by their own egos ("Hey, I'm part of a movement!" "I actually have a unique and important idea about Iraq" "Hey, let's talk about Paris Hilton and Janet Jackson!") but I make no such claims about my importance.
If you're here reading this, thanks for stopping by. Leave a comment. Us anonymous bloggers feed off the ego-stroke of the comments. Please leave a comment.
Please?
Fine. Don't. See if I'll be your friend anymore.
Hmmm. Paris Hilton
AND Janet Jackson together in a video. Now that's a good and unique idea!
Can't trust Time Lords
Posted by
Ray on 02/07/04 at 02:45 AM •
Entertainment •
(0)
Trackbacks •
Permalink
I knew the
Doctor would get the
BBC in trouble.
Dr. Who was caught "Cybersexing" up reports on the Cybermen that were less than complimentary to Prime Minister Tony Blair's economic policies. It seems that Dr. Who himself was manipualting Gold Futures data to give the impression that Tony Blair was inflating the price of Gold.
Well he's a Time Lord. Of course he's using inside future info to manipulate commodity pricing.
Damn meddler.