Fatherhood

I guess fat people and new fathers are the last safe prejudices.

Why do I say this? Well, since becoming a father almost three years ago I have been inundated with stupid comments, mostly from women, that in one way or another disparage my abilities, suitability, or desire to take care of my children.

Because I'm a man.

The stereotype is that I can't be trusted to not bash my baby's head against a wall accidentally or change a diaper without smearing me, the baby and several rooms of my house with excrement.

How many times in an office environment do you see young mothers trucking their one or two month old newborns around to show off to their co-workers, to universal acclaim and much cooing from cubicle-dwellers pleased to have another interruption taking them away from their meaningless tasks? But when I do it the clucking hens all tsk tsk about how my wife shouldn't let me out with the baby because men don't know what they're doing. The implication being that my wife is somehow irresponsible for leaving her child with dunder-head daddy.

They all say that they're "joking", of course, and then pat my arm with an "I'm sure that you know what you're doing" condescending smirk, using the same tone that people used a hundred years ago when talking about the one-or-two "intelligent negroes" that they were sure existed somewhere on the planet...

It doesn't get any better as your child grows either.

Yesterday I took my princesses to the beach where almost three-year old Boo discovered the magic of the giant slide and 15-month old Poupouni happily watched as I carried her around on my shoulders. I struck up a conversation with another father who had his slightly older kids playing on the same slide. We talked for awhile about kids and sports and powerboats, meanwhile making sure that our kids were in sight and not killing each other.

A woman shows up with her two daughters, eyeing us carefully. Within a couple seconds she pipes up snarkily: "Mom's day off, huh?" and then stalks over to where one of her daughters has decided to eat sand. The other father and I stare at each other knowingly: obviously this is a shared experience.

Yes there are some fathers who are deadbeats, who are hopeless around children, who don't know what part of the kid the diaper goes on...but honestly can the ability of a father to take care of his child be so readily dismissed with ugly stereotypes?

You know what? I do want to take my kids to the park and watch them play. I can change diapers easily and feed them and comfort them when they fall down and hurt themselves. I will be there for the dance recitals and the ballet lessons and the soccer games because I WANT to be there.

Fatherhood isn't a chore. And the next person that utters a boorish, stereotypical crack is gonna get an earful from me about it.