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"Anubis, at your service" it says in a clipped upper-class Brit accent. "Always better to introduce yourself at the beginning of a descent. Makes it a more comfortable 27 hours."

"27 hours??" I exclaim. And then I remember my manners. "Raging Kraut, at your service. We're in here for 27 hours?"

"Long way to the ground, my boy, long way. Otherwise the acceleration would kill you quicker than I will." He's staring at a spot on my neck and licking his lips before he buries himself in his book.

The doors close behind me and the elevator starts moving silently downward.

I silently contemplate being trapped in an elevator for 27 hours with an Egyptian God of the Underworld.

Several minutes pass.

"Uh, excuse me, Mr. Anubis?" I ask tentatively.

"Yes, dear boy?"

"Um, that bit about killing me, could you maybe elaborate?"

"Certainly, dear chap. You see, I need to feed, and you are food."

"Wouldn't you rather have a pizza?"

"No. I have this nice chianti and some fava beans." To my horror he's pointing at a table in the corner that's set for a formal dinner for one. At seeing my shock he laughs: "Sorry, but that's my favourite line from the movie."

"Pizza would go well with the chianti..."

"No, I'd rather eat your liver. It's been soaking in whiskey for quite some time now..."

He smiles and I can see that this dog has blood in its teeth.

Just then there's a large CRACK! from above and it's one of those comic Warner Bros. moments when Anubis and I hang motionless while the cables that until now had been supporting us fall towards the earth and catch fire as they burn throught the atmosphere...

The panel reads floor 23,592.

Anubis smiles at me. "That's what I get for choosing the lowest bid. I knew it was too good to be true..."

The elevator plummets to the ground. My stomach is now in my forehead as the acceleration grows stronger and stronger...

The panel reads floor 17,733.

"You know..." I scream at Anubis. "...that one about the guy that was trapped in the falling elevator...and at the last moment before he hits...he jumps with all his strength?"

"Yes, I've heard that one." He appears to be going back to his book.

The panel reads floor 8,042.

"Do you think he would die?"

The panel reads floor 4,932

"Oh yes, instantly." He tosses the book away. "Just as well. Long, boring, depressing book. I don't know why I didn't just buy the Coles Notes version."

The panel reads floor 1,342.

"I'm trying it!" I scream as I crouch down to leap.

"Good luck, old boy. If you make it we can eat his liver instead." He points to a man cowering in the corner. It's Ben Affleck.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I scream.

"Running away from my wife. Took the wrong elevator." he cried. "I don't care if you eat my liver! It's better than where I was. You don't know what she's like!"

Floor 321.
Floor 122.
Floor 53.

I leap up with all my strength...

...and of course this is where I wake up...
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