Of course by now it's too late for me. I've finished the whole damn plate. Whatever Dave has spotted in the plate that put him off of it is probably already in my stomach, creating God knows what kind of havoc in my upper intestines...
Dave returns with two cheeseburgers, the daily special.
"Something wrong with the chicken?" I ask.
"No. I didn't want it anymore." He's looking uncomfortable.
"Why not?"
"No reason." He's silent.
We go back to work. At 2:30 I'm looking for coffee number 5. I stroll by the lunch room on my 'Quest for Caffeine' noticing several of the office girls laughing about Dave's rampant paranoia. Tracy, the loudest and fiercest of the office trolls accosts me before I get to my desk.
"What happened at lunch?"
"What d'ye mean?"
"Dave keeps washing his hands, talking 'bout the jerk who kept sneezing on his food at lunch."
"Ah, he didn't...mean me, did he? I can't remember doing anything like that..." Maybe it was me, I don't know...I am by my nature a 'multiple-sneezer', so much so that my wife waits 'til I've sneezed at least 3 times before she says "bless you."
"No, he said it was this loser sitting beside him."
"That guy? Well I don't remember him sneezing, but then again, who remembers a sneeze?"
"Well I guess everybody does these days. I mean you never know..." So spoketh the office troll (Tracy is actually quite cute, but she has the soul of a troll, so please don't flame me about my description of her.)
So. Mystery solved.
But if Dave's so scared of sneezers, why the hell didn't he inform me that my plate was potentially contaminated as well? I mean, wouldn't you? If you knew that there was potentially a recent germ-filled sneeze on someone's plate, hiding in the teriyaki sauce, wouldn't YOU save them from disgust and sickness?
This couldn't have anything to do with the office reorganization, could it?
He's not trying to get me out of the way is he? Does he know something I don't? Why is he trying to KILL ME?
Just because you're paranoid, don't mean they're not after you...
SARS doesn't even crack the top 10 of things I worry about.
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