Suddenly, Conservative

The telephone is ringing. At dinner, of course.

A telemarketer.

A very unfortunate telemarketer.

Because Rue's answering the phone, not me. But despite my expectations of bloodied eardrums on the other end of the phone, she hands the phone to me with a smile.

"Hello" I say tentatively, wondering who has gotten by the gatekeeper - she who is my wife - and what they want.

"Hello Mr. Kraut. This is Donald calling on behalf of Stephen Harper."

"Ah. OK. Put him on."

"Well, I'm actually calling on his behalf to say thank you for your recent response to our mailer."

Recent? I mailed that thing in December.

"So he's not going to talk to me?" I am soooooo loving this.

"Well, he's not actually in the office right now..."

"Is his cubicle next to yours?"

"Actually, Mr. Kraut, did you know that with an election call only days or weeks away, Mr. Harper would like to rally all Canadians who believe in accountable government to put an end to the excessive waste of 11 years of Liberal rule. Can we count on your support?"

"To do what, exactly?"

"Well, running a campaign against an organization as well-funded as the Liberal Party of Canada is an expensive proposition at best..."

"Oh, I see. The answer is no. I don't give money to political parties."

(pause) "Well, you could become a member for $10..."

"Can I yell and scream at meetings and votes?"

"Sure..."

"OK, count me in!"

"Well, now that you're a member, would you feel more comfortable contributing to the cause?"

"Sheeeesh! I told you I don't contribute to political parties. My membership's coming in the mail, right?"

"Yes sir...Have a good day."

"And you."

--click--

"Wanker." I say, putting the phone down and getting back to my now cold dinner.



And that, dear reader, was how I became a member of the Conservative Party of Canada. God knows what kind of cataclysm this will produce in the future.

A party that would have me as a member...