To Strive, To Seek, To Find

Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are ---
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

- Alfred, Lord Tennyson Ulysses,1842

I've been thinking about that poem and the idea that your best days are behind you...Parenthood does weird things to your thinking process, as if now you've become the mentor to someone who will be doing the accomplishing from now on, rather than the hero in the movie that is your life. Kind of a Luke vs Obi-Wan dichotomy.

I don't know if I can understand playing the supporting role rather than the grandstanding, rabble-rousing lead role that I've been playing all these years.

It is so strange how your perspective changes with the weight of responsibility that comes down upon you like a thunderbolt. Their little tiny lives are in your hands, and in the hands of your co-parent. But what does that leave for you as an individual to accomplish? And once you've raised your replacements in this world, what is left for you alone to strive for?

These questions do need answers because I've seen the kind of parents who have nothing else in their lives and make their childrens' lives a living hell.

There is still more left for an individual after parenthood without the individual being a selfish "bad dad." We don't just slink out of the spotlight, forever known as "Dad", do we? Are all we're going to be good for is picking them up from soccer practice?

The one thing no parent ever told me was the constant juggling act that goes on in your mind: Is getting that digital camera good for the family or is it good for just me? (In case you're wondering, I've rationalized that having a digital camera is good for the family so I bought it, but you get my drift on the thought process.)

This daddy-thing is sometimes confusing, often tiring and, in my limited experience so far, always rewarding. I just don't think I'm ready to move out of the starring role yet.

At this point, I feel more Luke than Obi-Wan...